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Game of Thrones: A Christmas Party

For a lot of people, the holidays are a tough time; a constant reminder of the friends and family we’ve lost over the years. The grieving amps up an extra notch once that first Christmas jingle hits the airwaves and we begin to miss the ones we’ve loved. Since, as far as I can tell, our earth exists on a linear plane of absolute time and space, so it’s looking pretty likely that we’ll never see those folks again. It’s a bummer, I know. But that’s not what I’m here for right now. What about our favorite characters from movies and TV that have touched our lives year after year, premier after premier, finale after finale? Who’s to stop us from celebrating with some old familiar faces when on-demand is always at our fingertips and the physical laws of our universe don’t exist in theirs?

With Christmas and New Year’s upon us and no new episodes of Game of Thrones in sight [2019… seriously 2019??], I feel like it’s a good time to check in on everyone’s favorite HBO ensemble from a time before Westeros was decimated by the War of the Five Kings. Now I know what you’re thinking… “Dave, are you STILL talking about season 1 of Game of Thrones? You’re probably just a sad loser who misses Ned Stark and Robert Baratheon, aren’t you? What’s this have to do with Christmas or my dead grandparents?” …well I’ll tell ya. Our long deceased loved ones aren’t coming back, but characters from your favorite TV shows are just as real as Jesus Fucking Christ and they’ll be with us forever. OR if you’re not a fan of that, Big Bobby Baratheon reminds me of Santa Claus, and in my humble opinion, that’s enough to build a little blog around. That’s right, it’s a Game of Throne’s Christmas.

It’s pretty obvious that no one on the entire continent of Westeros has celebrated a single holiday, especially holidays that exist in our universe, since the War of the Five Kings started, but luckily for us [maybe just me if you’re not enjoying this], Bran Stark is blessed with ability to look back in time through the faces of the weirwood heart trees. Let’s take brief peek into the annual Christmas party thrown in the Great Hall of Winterfell ever year. I get it, the North is big and Winterfell is well out of the way for most of the great houses in Westeros, but where else on the continent would be better suited to throw a Christmas party? It’s cold, it’s snowy, and there’s a billion evergreen trees to wrap the old seasonal lights around. I mean, no one in Minnesota ever looks at the city of Miami and thinks “damn this what Christmas should look like.”

As expected, the room is filled with cheer as the Dornish wine flows like the waters of the Trident. Robert Baratheon, obviously dressed as Santa Claus, is belligerently bumbling his way through the party with a belly full of wine and a heart full of joy. Ned laughingly looks about as his old friend carries on. Taking a moment to appreciate the annual convocation, Ned can’t help but think how nice a Westeros at peace feels. Unfortunately for the lifelong buddies, their fosterer and second father, Jon Arryn couldn’t make it as he has been bedridden with a fever all month. Littlefinger, while helping Catelyn Stark hang up a few wreaths last minute, sends his regards.

Two of the sternest men in Westeros, Tywin Lannister and Stannis Baratheon drink and trade old war stories by the fireplace. Stannis is transfixed on the flames, while Tywin can’t help but notice the reindeer sweaters his grandchildren are wearing don’t suit them at all. They’re more lion than stag he thinks to himself. Several other lords and ladies of the great houses gather ‘round as the bards and songstresses begin the night’s entertain. Renly eagerly awaits the arrival of his wife Margaery Tyrell and her brother Loras.

The kids seem to be in good spirits as Sansa chases Joffrey around with mistletoe in her hands. While notably disinterested, he chooses to stop by the tree and throw a few presents into the fireplace every so often. Bran, still walking, is showing Tommen and Myrcella some of the new tricks he’s been teaching his direwolf, Summer. Tommen who prefers cats, however, quickly gets distracted and finds a beautiful rose to play with. Bran’s wild younger brother Rickon has been running around in a straight line for last few minutes. Why he hasn’t even zigzag’ed or veered course once, we’ll never know. He’s just a dumb kid, I guess.

No One has any idea who or where Arya is.

Off near the serving table, Theon has been trying to get his hands on some drugs all night, although ironically enough, the only thing he’s cutting up is the sausage on his plate of hors devours. Robb and Jon, feeling mildly uncomfortable in their flamboyantly festive sweaters, have joined him for a few snacks and a quick break from the crowded room. Appropriately dressed as one of Santa’s elves, Tyrion Lannister walks over to the boys and attempts to put their moods at ease by offering them a bevy of whores and wine. Robb declines as he’s had his eye on a foreign girl that came in with the Lannister caravan, but Theon accepts and jokingly proclaims “Ayy, I’ve got to get it in while I still can. Aye, boys?!” before wandering off with Tyrion.

While the rest of the party is eating, drinking, and getting on well enough, the Lannister twins have hurried off for a moment together in a secluded tower. But out in the courtyard arose such a clatter. Jaime and Cersei sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. When what to their wondering eyes should appear, but a silver haired Daenerys and three tiny dragons.

Bran Stark is wrestled awake from his vision and in an instant he’s thrown back into present day Westeros. The glimpse is over. The world is hell again. New episodes can’t come soon enough. Happy holidays and enjoy the New Year, everyone.

Dave’s Twitter: @DAVEseason

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